Reese's Peanut Butter Brownies

Here's a treat for the handful of you who may occasionally be checking my blog. :) I made these scrumptalicious brownies for a gathering with friends recently and several people requested the recipe.

Reese's Peanut Butter Brownies

1 box brownie mix
8 oz. cream cheese
1 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. creamy peanut butter
small bag Reese's peanut butter cups
small bag mini chocolate chips (I don't use near an entire bag of these or Reese's cups)
1 cup or more chopped peanuts

1. Bake brownies as directed on box. Cool slightly.
2. Mix cream cheese, brown sugar and peanut butter and spread on brownies.
3. Crumble Reese's and sprinkly on top with chips and nuts (You can put as much or as many of the toppings as you like.)

Treating the Inner Grump

I've been kind of grumpy lately... at least with Pete. Unfortunately he's usually the one that suffers. I can't even really say why I've been feeling this way, other than I just do every few weeks. Being stuck inside doesn't help. Plus I often struggle with my own inner demons - lacking confidence, loneliness, anxiety, the list could go on. So any little thing that makes me smile or gets me out of this "grump slump" is helpful.

Yesterday I bundled the two kids up at 5:00 pm and we headed outside for 1/2 hour. What a blast!! I finally got Andrew's boots to fit him right so he could actually walk around the shoveled areas. Emma had so much fun jumping around and laying in the snow. I got out our new sled and tied a rope to the front. It was a sorry attempt to pull the kids around in the snow. They kept falling off but it made all of us laugh. The snow is so deep right now (I'm horrible with estimations and haven't heard how much.) At least a foot, right? Anyway, I actually felt invigorated when we went inside.

Within an hour I was grumpy again. So after dinner Pete and Emma initiated a new favorite family game of the kids. Emma and I lay on the couch while Pete ("Big Daddy Monster") and Andrew ("Baby Monster Jr.") get under a blanket and roar at us. The girls scream and giggle. It's hard to be afraid of Baby Monster Jr. when he's just so cute "roaring" at us with a big smile on his face. The kids eat this up.

Then we tried a new version of "Dance Party USA." Perhaps I've spoken of these before - several times a week we turn on music and dance around. Pete is not always home from work but this time we included him. I put on our "Baby Boogie" CD, turned off all the lights, and drew the front curtain. Then we took turns dancing in front of the curtain while someone else wiggled the flashlight back and forth on us. (It's supposed to be like a stroeb light.) Again, the kids thought it was so fun. Andrew loves to "dance" by turning circles.

So our family may be a little quirky but it was fun and at least it treated my inner grump for the evening. :)

Happy Birthday, Ma!

It's my mom's birthday today. I just want to say what a wonderful mom (and grandma) she is and how lucky I feel to have her in my life. I value her compassion, her gift of hospitality and making others feel loved and important, her dedication to her teaching career for so many years, and her thirst to continue to learn and grow as a person. Wish I could've been there to celebrate with you, Mom!! I love you.

Missing Cole

I must admit... I'm really missing our dog right now. I just completed the page in Emma's scrapbook with pictures of us saying goodbye last March. And now I'm teary-eyed. He turned 5 just the other day so I sent some bones to work for Pete's coworker to give to him.

I know we made the best decision at the time for him and for our family. He needed more attention and more exercise. We needed to focus more on our children, and I was projecting too much stress from Cole onto other areas and people in my life. We haven't regretted the decision, and we know his new family adores him. But I still miss him. I loved the way he snuggled with us. I love how the snow fell and looked against his dark black coat. I loved how he made the kids giggle. I always felt protected and safe when he was home with me. It was hard to be lonely with that big lug laying beside me.

I'll recount for you all one of my favorite memories of Cole (it wasn't at the time, but now it makes me smile.) It was almost a year ago that I turned 30. My only request was a chocolate banana cake from a bakery in South Bend. I had tried it several months prior and found it delightful. Pete ordered a pretty big cake so after we shared some with friends one Friday evening, we planned to freeze the rest the next day... after we each had another piece. Well, our dear dog beat us to the punch. In the middle of the night, he managed to stand on his hind legs at the counter, open the cake box with his nose, and ever so carefully and quietly, eat most of the remainder of my birthday cake. Pete almost didn't even realize it in the morning. The cake box was just tipped up a bit and there was not a crumb in sight. I guess I don't have to worry about "sharing" my cake with Cole this year!! (If you haven't already heard the second memory, ask me in person. It's much more fun to tell that way. :))

Blue Like Jazz

Some of you have been hearing me talk about this book for a couple of weeks now. It's written by a guy named Don Miller and was recommended to me by a friend about two years ago. Well, I received it for Christmas and just finished it a few days ago. What an amazing book!!

He writes about his experience with spirtuality, his relationship with Jesus, how he struggles with certain ideas of Christianity, and how we might work to love ourselves and others as Jesus loves us. I found it to be challenging and inspiring and refreshing. He's so honest and real... reminds me a lot of Anne Lamott in this way.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book regardless of where you are or are not on your faith journey. And I'd love to hear what you think when you read it!!

Attached At The Ear

This is Andrew's stuffed elephant... "Smellephant," as we affectionately call it in our house. He received it as a gift from Nana and Grandpa G. when he was born and attached to it after the first few months. He has pure love for it as you can tell by these pictures. Recently I've worked hard at keeping elephant in the crib as much as possible so he associates him with sleeping. He falls asleep by sucking the ear. Yes, it sounds gross, but is not so different than babies who suck a pacifier, bottle, or breast to sleep.

Smellephant gets a bath 1-2 times a week. The other day Andrew watched me throw him into the washer and then transfer from washer to dryer. This really upset him. But it must be done. As you can see, it's yellowing and it begins to smell after a couple of days without being washed.

I'd really like to find a backup elephant. Both my sister and I have searched the internet. She wrote the manufacturer who did not write back. I've had an EBAY search going for several months with no luck. It's the Kid Preferred brand of the Carters line, sold at Target. I know there are other babies with these out there. Perhaps one is just sitting on a shelf in someone's home and is not being loved with the same intensity as Smellephant. If you ever see one or know of one, I would love your assistance. I would pay money for a spare.

Project Complete

Our bathroom is complete... at least the painting part. It was quite a project this time. Of all the rooms we've painted in our house, this one was probably the most challenging in many ways. The space is so tiny and there were so many details to work around with the sink, cabinet, toilet, tub, etc. After three coats of blue and changing the trim from cream to white, we are very happy. It was hard to get good pictures so you'll have to come over to get the real effect. It's a darker blue, perhaps, that what appears in the picture. I splurged on some adorable towels and shower curtains which is how this whole project started. I haven't done it for any other rooms but I couldn't pass these up!

And I thought the first one was cute...

Pete and Emma spent time making a new snowman on Sunday afternoon. With all of the snow this week, it is still there. Every day I have to go out and wipe the fresh snow off his face and his sign. Notice that says, "Go Colts" and his arms are doing the touchdown sign. Very cute, huh?

What If...

I just came across this as I was cleaning my office today (yes, I'm in day number three, I think, of this project.) I had printed it out one time and found it comforting and thought provoking. I'm not saying that all is going to turn out just as we had hoped in the end, but I do struggle with worry. There are many times when I spend time worrying when I haven't even experienced the outcome. I like the challenge this passage provides for me.

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if... we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, waht if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if... we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if... we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What it... we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if... we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Take from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Over the Top

I just need to comment about my favorite TV drama, Grey's Anatomy, last evening. Anyone else see it? For those of you who saw it and have any clue about the Amish... what was up with that? Okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh. The story line was sweet and all. But it was a little over the top. The woman looked disheveled and not really very accurate. And duh, they wouldn't start speaking PA Dutch to the doctors when they also speak English... they know better. And the whole shunning thing was a little exaggerated. I guess it's just one more sorry Hollywood portrayal of the Amish.

Done

An update from my last entry: I fulfilled my last three goals for this week. Yes, they may seem small but it's helpful for me to look back on the week and see that there were some things I really enjoyed. I topped the week off with a Starbucks Chai this morning. I sometimes treat myself to those or other drinks while grocery shopping. Any other Martins shoppers take advantage of Starbucks?

Another thing I like is the sense of accomplishment I feel when I cross things of my to-do list. I currently have several big projects on my list: organizing the office (includes filing, purging files, and general organization of the shelves and closet), uploading and ordering pictures from this fall and the holidays, painting our bathroom (which I'm very excited about doing - I will post pics when it's complete), and catching up on my scrapbooking (okay, this one will take a while - I'm VERY behind - but I enjoy it and am excited to get caught up.)

So I'll keep you all posted (if you really care) on my progress. So far almost all my filing is done and I convinced Pete to help me purge Files A-F last evening as we watched TV. Ah, what a feeling.

Anyone else have some big, lurking projects going on?

What I Like

Here are some things that I really like:

• massages (especially professional ones)
• eating good food (especially when I don't have to make it)
• the feeling I have after I have a good workout
• fun with women friends
• snuggle time with my hubby
• laughter and more snuggle time with my kids
• chocolate
• Chai

My list could go on. But the important thing is that I've been able to experience 5 of these 8 things in the past three days which is pretty amazing. My goal is to accomplish the last three before the week is over. Think I can pull it off?

What's Up, Doc?

I had a good experience with my primary physician today. Why, you ask, am I blogging about this? Because this is the FIRST one in five years. And why, you ask, have I continued to go to him? Because it's a pain in the butt to switch when I don't really go all that often (my last visit prior to today was Dec. '04) and I don't really know who's out there that I might like better. Plus he's close to our house and since we talk about moving toward Elkhart someday, it seems to make sense to wait to switch until we actually make that move.

I'm not sure why I don't care for about my doctor. I've had how many physicians in my life and I've never really been that uncomfortable with one until this guy. It's not the creepy kind of uncomfortable, I just don't feel a connection, medically speaking, of course. :) His personality is a little different, or so I thought. I think I felt he has been a bit condescending in the past. And he was not that much older than me. (Although I'm just getting older so I need to get over this FAST.) And he is a man. I just happen to be more comfortable with women (although I totally felt at ease with the man who delivered Emma.) Anyway, today's visit went well. When I called this AM, the front desk was extra friendly (I've had two previous less-than, okay downright not-friendly experiences.) And then today my doctor was pretty cool. He took time with me and answered questions. I felt he was thorough, spoke to me like an adult, I felt comfortable with his recommendations. And I actually left the room liking him for once. It was the first time I didn't think, "I really need to switch physicians."

Medical visits are tricky for us women. We've got the whole ob-gyn thing and some of us have specialists for various things. But if we're young and healthy, we really don't need to see our primary physician all that much. I'm curious how often other women go and if you prefer a particular gender or age? (My ob-gyn is a woman but as I refered to earlier, I actually prefer one of the men in the practice.) If you're local, do you have a favorite primary doc in the area? Do you think it's a big deal to not be crazy about this person or is it important to you to trust and feel comfortable with someone - enough that you "shop" around for him/her?

Sausage Tortellini Soup

Earlier this fall I began posting my favorite soup recipes. During the cooler months I like to make a homemade soup a week. It doesn't always happen. For example, last week my family ate lots of soups, but they were all from a can. (A friend recently introduced me to the Progresso brand. I've tried the tomato, chicken noodle, vegetarian lentil, and vegetarian vegetable and they are all delicious!) Here's the one I made last evening. I got it from a coworker about 6 years ago. This time I used 2 c. beef broth from our cow's beef bones so there were actually some little pieces of beef in it as well. I think it just added to the intensity and richness of flavor.

P.S. Learned something new yesterday. When there's no tomato sauce on hand, mix 3/4 c. tomato paste with 1 c. water and you get 2 c. tomato sauce!!

Sausage Tortellini Soup

1 lb. italian sausage
1 c. coarsely chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, sliced
5 cups beef broth
1 cup water
2 c. chopped tomatoes
1 c. chopped carrots
1/2 t. basil
1/2 t. oregano
8 oz. tomato sauce
1 1/2 c. chopped zucchini
8 oz. cheese-filled tortellini
3 T. parsley

Brown sausage with onion and garlic. Drain well. Combine in large pot everything EXCEPT: zucchini, tortellini, and parsley. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 30 minutes. Cover and simmer another 30 minutes. Add zucchini and cook only until crisp tender (I did this about 5-10 minutes.) Do not overcook. Add parsley. Finally, add tortellini right before you serve soup - it needs no longer than 3-5 minutes to cook. Serve immediately!

"You're really good at wiping me, Mom"

I really struggled when I first became a mother. There was the whole hormonal, postpartum depression thing. And then of course I was sleep deprived and struggling with the whole nursing relationship and worried that Emma wasn't eating and gaining enough. But on top of all of that, I had decided to stay home and quit my profession, and that hit me like a freight train. I missed my adult coworkers. I didn't know what the heck I was doing as a mom and lacked confidence. I wasn't sure how to juggle the whole parenting/housework duties. And I really missed those measurable forms of knowing my job was being well done. The verbal affirmations, the good evaluations, the paycheck. This was the start of a whole new kind of job in which satisfaction was to be reached via alternate ways... with smiles, hugs, poops.

Almost four years later I have adjusted to a whole new career. Like any job, it has its perks and its drawbacks. There are great days and lousy days. Verbal affirmations are something I hear quite frequently these days from my oldest (and I'm holding on to every minute because I know this won't last!) As I was helping Emma wipe after going potty today, she made the title comment. There are just some affirmations you will never hear from your boss!

Bunco

I played Bunco for the first time tonight. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it's a dice game - a game of chance. I had heard of it several years ago and was under the impression that it was more about socializing than game-playing. It's true... I did a lot of gabbing this evening, but you actually have to be on the ball when the game is on. My friend, Sarah, has gone to a couple of Bunco nights in her neighborhood and decided to start a Bunco group. A couple of months ago she put out an open invitation on her blog and some of us bit. We invited some more people and thus our Bunco gang was formed. There's always need for subs so if any locals are reading and think this sounds fun, let me know!

Not only did I have fun, but I won $20!! My first earnings (if you can call it that) of 2007!!

Rest

You haven't heard from me lately because I've been trying to do more of something I don't do enough of... resting. I came down with something a week ago Monday evening- fever, chills, aches, nausea. I thought it was a stomach virus or a mild case of the flu, but I never did figure out exactly what it was since all of that only lasted for about 24 hours. It turned out to be a miserable cold and it majorly slowed me down. The house was a wreck and my family ate a lot of last-minute thrown-together meals. This past weeked I made resting my number one priority in hopes that by yesterday I would feel wonderful again. I was rather successful at resting, even though I haven't been sleeping well lately. And while I wouldn't describe myself as "wonderful" yesterday, I certainly feel 100% better than I did a week ago!! I really take my health for granted when I'm feeling fine. A big thanks to Pete who did more than his fair share of the parenting and household tasks this weekend when I was lounging.

I recently came across this quote. I think it's a good reminder for all of us.

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. - OVID

Soccer Girl

I took Emma to her first soccer programs this morning. It was a decision we just made last week. I had planned to sign her up for some sort of physical activity this winter when it's a bit more work to get outside (especially with a young toddler in hand.) I had gone back and forth between gymnastics and dance but just didn't feel 100% about either for a few factors. So I researched the soccer programs offered at our local Soccer Zone, only 12 minutes away. They have a co-ed Tiny Tots program for 3 and 4 year-olds that focuses on movement, self-esteem, and having fun. Perfect, I thought. Pete was in agreement.

So today Emma participated in her first 45 minute class, with Coach Dan at the lead. He is a wonderfully, friendly and fun grandpa-type guy (okay, well he is a grandpa too, but you know the jolly, fun type.) He's got a great way of getting the kids involved and excited. They did little exercises like Simon Says and lots of chants like "I am great!" and "Peace! Love! Power to the kids!" Okay, so it probably was cuter in person. Emma was the only splash of pink and purple on the field of 8 but it didn't phase her in the least. They ran around the gym, did some kicking and dribbling with the ball, and even got to score a goal. But all was done a fun, very low pressure environment. I had to laugh some at Emma and her excitement. She really did a very good job.

Emma loved her first day of soccer and is excited to go back next week. When I asked her what her favorite part was, she responded, "all of it."

3 Year-Old Joy

I'm trying to think happy thoughts while the baby cries and refuses to nap...

I just can't get enough of Emma these days. It's interesting as I reflect on the different stages so far of her fairly short life. The infant stage was pretty tough for me. I dealt with postpartum depression, among other adjustment issues for the first 12-15 months. That was compounded by the fact that Emma and I had a difficult time establishing the nursing relationship in the beginning. I remember turning that corner around 5 months, and by 7 months, I was starting to say, "This parenting thing is kind of fun!" Not that I didn't adore her and feel extreme gratitude for her... it just became less exhausting and mysterious, and more fun. At 15 months I began getting wonderful chunks of sleep at night and wow, did that make a difference. Around 18 months, she began to get difficult taking into public. Prior to that, she would soak up restaurant and store experiences, saying "hi" and waving to anyone who would look her way. She would giggle and sit fairly still. From about 18 months to 2 1/2, that completely changed. We decided it was no longer fun to go out to eat because it wasn't worth the stress of entertaining her, trying to keep her in her seat, etc, etc. And 2 1/2 came then with a whole new set of challenges. Days of flat out defiance, tantrums, you know, normal toddler stuff. We just had to wade through the waters of toddlerhood. Fortunately difficult times were interspersed with her sweet personality. But I won't lie, it was a tough year.

I feel we've turned another corner this fall/winter. Emma has demonstrated a new sense of maturity, can verbalize her thoughts and feelings better with each day, and is just downright fun (usually) to be around. I'm sure the fact that I'm in a better place emotionally than I have been at certain points in the last 3 1/2 years is significant as well.

Some of my favorite regular phrases or questions these days:

"Mommy, did you take a shower today?" (asked when I lay down with her for a few minutes before nap and she wants to play with my hair)

"Do you have to go anywhere tonight?" (her response if I said I did take a shower... she knows she has no chance of playing with the top of my hair if this is the case :))

"Mommy, is anyone coming over today? Are we going anywhere?" (every morning)

"Having Daddy home all day" (her response 95% of the time when I ask her at the end of a weekend day what her favorite part of the day was)

"How can I help you?" (what she's learned to say when I'm making lunch or dinner and she's really hungry and ready to eat NOW)

"Mommy, I love you. You're a good mommy." (I need all the reinforcing now because I'm guessing I'll be hearing little, if any of this in about 10 years or so.)

Reinspired

I thought I was ready to be done with this blog. I was going to just delete the whole thing, but Pete thought I should write a "farewell" post. So I decided to just wait a while to see if it turned out to be something I'd like to continue after taking a break.

After a good conversation with fellow blogger, Sarah, last evening, I decided to hold on for just a little longer. Originally, I entitled my blog "Pura Vida" because it's a phrase that stuck with me when I spent three months in Costa Rica during college. I liked the contentment and freedom that seemed to accompany the phrase. It was fun to say and brought a smile to my face. So perhaps I will return to blogging about things that do that for me. Despite the many challenges and gray areas of life, there are many things that make me happy.

We'll see how this goes for now. I still probably won't be real regular, but I have a renewed focus and that makes me happy. :)

p.s. I used to hate the color pink. Then I started to tolerate it when I had a little girl. Now I kind of like the color. This template color doesn't feel quite like me, but I thought I'd try it out for a while for the sake of something new.