"You're really good at wiping me, Mom"

I really struggled when I first became a mother. There was the whole hormonal, postpartum depression thing. And then of course I was sleep deprived and struggling with the whole nursing relationship and worried that Emma wasn't eating and gaining enough. But on top of all of that, I had decided to stay home and quit my profession, and that hit me like a freight train. I missed my adult coworkers. I didn't know what the heck I was doing as a mom and lacked confidence. I wasn't sure how to juggle the whole parenting/housework duties. And I really missed those measurable forms of knowing my job was being well done. The verbal affirmations, the good evaluations, the paycheck. This was the start of a whole new kind of job in which satisfaction was to be reached via alternate ways... with smiles, hugs, poops.

Almost four years later I have adjusted to a whole new career. Like any job, it has its perks and its drawbacks. There are great days and lousy days. Verbal affirmations are something I hear quite frequently these days from my oldest (and I'm holding on to every minute because I know this won't last!) As I was helping Emma wipe after going potty today, she made the title comment. There are just some affirmations you will never hear from your boss!

Soccer Girl

I took Emma to her first soccer programs this morning. It was a decision we just made last week. I had planned to sign her up for some sort of physical activity this winter when it's a bit more work to get outside (especially with a young toddler in hand.) I had gone back and forth between gymnastics and dance but just didn't feel 100% about either for a few factors. So I researched the soccer programs offered at our local Soccer Zone, only 12 minutes away. They have a co-ed Tiny Tots program for 3 and 4 year-olds that focuses on movement, self-esteem, and having fun. Perfect, I thought. Pete was in agreement.

So today Emma participated in her first 45 minute class, with Coach Dan at the lead. He is a wonderfully, friendly and fun grandpa-type guy (okay, well he is a grandpa too, but you know the jolly, fun type.) He's got a great way of getting the kids involved and excited. They did little exercises like Simon Says and lots of chants like "I am great!" and "Peace! Love! Power to the kids!" Okay, so it probably was cuter in person. Emma was the only splash of pink and purple on the field of 8 but it didn't phase her in the least. They ran around the gym, did some kicking and dribbling with the ball, and even got to score a goal. But all was done a fun, very low pressure environment. I had to laugh some at Emma and her excitement. She really did a very good job.

Emma loved her first day of soccer and is excited to go back next week. When I asked her what her favorite part was, she responded, "all of it."

3 Year-Old Joy

I'm trying to think happy thoughts while the baby cries and refuses to nap...

I just can't get enough of Emma these days. It's interesting as I reflect on the different stages so far of her fairly short life. The infant stage was pretty tough for me. I dealt with postpartum depression, among other adjustment issues for the first 12-15 months. That was compounded by the fact that Emma and I had a difficult time establishing the nursing relationship in the beginning. I remember turning that corner around 5 months, and by 7 months, I was starting to say, "This parenting thing is kind of fun!" Not that I didn't adore her and feel extreme gratitude for her... it just became less exhausting and mysterious, and more fun. At 15 months I began getting wonderful chunks of sleep at night and wow, did that make a difference. Around 18 months, she began to get difficult taking into public. Prior to that, she would soak up restaurant and store experiences, saying "hi" and waving to anyone who would look her way. She would giggle and sit fairly still. From about 18 months to 2 1/2, that completely changed. We decided it was no longer fun to go out to eat because it wasn't worth the stress of entertaining her, trying to keep her in her seat, etc, etc. And 2 1/2 came then with a whole new set of challenges. Days of flat out defiance, tantrums, you know, normal toddler stuff. We just had to wade through the waters of toddlerhood. Fortunately difficult times were interspersed with her sweet personality. But I won't lie, it was a tough year.

I feel we've turned another corner this fall/winter. Emma has demonstrated a new sense of maturity, can verbalize her thoughts and feelings better with each day, and is just downright fun (usually) to be around. I'm sure the fact that I'm in a better place emotionally than I have been at certain points in the last 3 1/2 years is significant as well.

Some of my favorite regular phrases or questions these days:

"Mommy, did you take a shower today?" (asked when I lay down with her for a few minutes before nap and she wants to play with my hair)

"Do you have to go anywhere tonight?" (her response if I said I did take a shower... she knows she has no chance of playing with the top of my hair if this is the case :))

"Mommy, is anyone coming over today? Are we going anywhere?" (every morning)

"Having Daddy home all day" (her response 95% of the time when I ask her at the end of a weekend day what her favorite part of the day was)

"How can I help you?" (what she's learned to say when I'm making lunch or dinner and she's really hungry and ready to eat NOW)

"Mommy, I love you. You're a good mommy." (I need all the reinforcing now because I'm guessing I'll be hearing little, if any of this in about 10 years or so.)

Simple Joys

This is a fun year with Emma. She has such excitement for both Christmas and the snow. She has two Advent calendars - one my mom made of felt years ago for my sister and me, and one she made at school. She goes to the felt one first each morning and reaches into the pocket after she figures out what day it is. Afterward she heads to her handmade tree where she puts a sticker on the right day. Along with these traditions, she has been requesting to "enjoy the lights" each evening before bed. We turn off all of the lights except for the ones on the tree and the mantle. The three of us (Andrew's in bed) snuggle on the couch and sing Christmas songs. Yesterday morning Emma and I went to the grocery store with a list of items for the food pantry. We bought for pantries in both Elkhart and St. Joe County since we border the two, and both our church and her preschool do collections. Emma and I had a long conversation about who might need food and why they might not have enough money to buy their own, etc. I think/hope it made an impression on her. She was very enthusiastic about buying certain items for "the pantry." I hope we can make this an annual tradition. These all have been special ways to prepare for and celebrate Jesus's birth. I look forward to more ways we can do this as a family as the children get older.

Friday evening, Pete, Emma, and I cuddled on the couch and watched "Polar Express" while we ate popcorn and drank Sprite. Emma's disappointed whenever she smells us making popcorn after she has gone to bed, so this was extra special for her!! On Saturday, she and Pete made a snow person. You can see he/she is very unique. She is very proud of her work with daddy!!

Andrew is ONE!

How this year has flown by!! Today our little Andrew Jacob turned one year old. We had celebrated in PA over Thanksgiving with a little party, but I couldn't resist celebrating again this evening. I know he wouldn't have known the difference and certainly he (nor did any of us) didn't need more sugar, but I couldn't let the day go without something special. So Emma and I made cupcakes this afternoon and frosted them.

His reaction with both treats was just priceless. During the party, he looked very intently at the piece of cake, studied it, slowly stuck his finger in the cool whip (we used this in place of frosting), then studied it some more and eventually licked his finger. It was then time to dig in. I thought he'd be less hesitant today since he had already experienced the taste of sugar. But this time, he stuck several fingers in the frosting (it was cream cheese frosting) and just moved them around for a while... feeling the texture. He did all this with a content smile on his face, of course. After a good minute (I mean it), he tasted it. He must have approved.

It's been such a joy to watch Andrew's personality develop over the past year. He really is a content child in so many ways. He loves to explore and study things. He's happy just waddling around the house checking things out. But he's also happy sitting and playing with different toys and objects. He loves to manipulate things, read books, and listen to music. He dances, "sings", and plays the drum. Last evening I was putting lotion on my hands and he started to imitate the motion. He adores his big sister and our cat, Elly, saying "yyooowwww" whenever he sees her. And he loves when Daddy comes home in the evenings. This is so sweet to see since Emma was still pretty attached to mom at this age. Can you tell I'm in love?! :)