And I thought the first one was cute...

Pete and Emma spent time making a new snowman on Sunday afternoon. With all of the snow this week, it is still there. Every day I have to go out and wipe the fresh snow off his face and his sign. Notice that says, "Go Colts" and his arms are doing the touchdown sign. Very cute, huh?

What If...

I just came across this as I was cleaning my office today (yes, I'm in day number three, I think, of this project.) I had printed it out one time and found it comforting and thought provoking. I'm not saying that all is going to turn out just as we had hoped in the end, but I do struggle with worry. There are many times when I spend time worrying when I haven't even experienced the outcome. I like the challenge this passage provides for me.

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if... we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, waht if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if... we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if... we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?

What it... we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if... we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.

Take from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Over the Top

I just need to comment about my favorite TV drama, Grey's Anatomy, last evening. Anyone else see it? For those of you who saw it and have any clue about the Amish... what was up with that? Okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh. The story line was sweet and all. But it was a little over the top. The woman looked disheveled and not really very accurate. And duh, they wouldn't start speaking PA Dutch to the doctors when they also speak English... they know better. And the whole shunning thing was a little exaggerated. I guess it's just one more sorry Hollywood portrayal of the Amish.

Done

An update from my last entry: I fulfilled my last three goals for this week. Yes, they may seem small but it's helpful for me to look back on the week and see that there were some things I really enjoyed. I topped the week off with a Starbucks Chai this morning. I sometimes treat myself to those or other drinks while grocery shopping. Any other Martins shoppers take advantage of Starbucks?

Another thing I like is the sense of accomplishment I feel when I cross things of my to-do list. I currently have several big projects on my list: organizing the office (includes filing, purging files, and general organization of the shelves and closet), uploading and ordering pictures from this fall and the holidays, painting our bathroom (which I'm very excited about doing - I will post pics when it's complete), and catching up on my scrapbooking (okay, this one will take a while - I'm VERY behind - but I enjoy it and am excited to get caught up.)

So I'll keep you all posted (if you really care) on my progress. So far almost all my filing is done and I convinced Pete to help me purge Files A-F last evening as we watched TV. Ah, what a feeling.

Anyone else have some big, lurking projects going on?

What I Like

Here are some things that I really like:

• massages (especially professional ones)
• eating good food (especially when I don't have to make it)
• the feeling I have after I have a good workout
• fun with women friends
• snuggle time with my hubby
• laughter and more snuggle time with my kids
• chocolate
• Chai

My list could go on. But the important thing is that I've been able to experience 5 of these 8 things in the past three days which is pretty amazing. My goal is to accomplish the last three before the week is over. Think I can pull it off?

What's Up, Doc?

I had a good experience with my primary physician today. Why, you ask, am I blogging about this? Because this is the FIRST one in five years. And why, you ask, have I continued to go to him? Because it's a pain in the butt to switch when I don't really go all that often (my last visit prior to today was Dec. '04) and I don't really know who's out there that I might like better. Plus he's close to our house and since we talk about moving toward Elkhart someday, it seems to make sense to wait to switch until we actually make that move.

I'm not sure why I don't care for about my doctor. I've had how many physicians in my life and I've never really been that uncomfortable with one until this guy. It's not the creepy kind of uncomfortable, I just don't feel a connection, medically speaking, of course. :) His personality is a little different, or so I thought. I think I felt he has been a bit condescending in the past. And he was not that much older than me. (Although I'm just getting older so I need to get over this FAST.) And he is a man. I just happen to be more comfortable with women (although I totally felt at ease with the man who delivered Emma.) Anyway, today's visit went well. When I called this AM, the front desk was extra friendly (I've had two previous less-than, okay downright not-friendly experiences.) And then today my doctor was pretty cool. He took time with me and answered questions. I felt he was thorough, spoke to me like an adult, I felt comfortable with his recommendations. And I actually left the room liking him for once. It was the first time I didn't think, "I really need to switch physicians."

Medical visits are tricky for us women. We've got the whole ob-gyn thing and some of us have specialists for various things. But if we're young and healthy, we really don't need to see our primary physician all that much. I'm curious how often other women go and if you prefer a particular gender or age? (My ob-gyn is a woman but as I refered to earlier, I actually prefer one of the men in the practice.) If you're local, do you have a favorite primary doc in the area? Do you think it's a big deal to not be crazy about this person or is it important to you to trust and feel comfortable with someone - enough that you "shop" around for him/her?

Sausage Tortellini Soup

Earlier this fall I began posting my favorite soup recipes. During the cooler months I like to make a homemade soup a week. It doesn't always happen. For example, last week my family ate lots of soups, but they were all from a can. (A friend recently introduced me to the Progresso brand. I've tried the tomato, chicken noodle, vegetarian lentil, and vegetarian vegetable and they are all delicious!) Here's the one I made last evening. I got it from a coworker about 6 years ago. This time I used 2 c. beef broth from our cow's beef bones so there were actually some little pieces of beef in it as well. I think it just added to the intensity and richness of flavor.

P.S. Learned something new yesterday. When there's no tomato sauce on hand, mix 3/4 c. tomato paste with 1 c. water and you get 2 c. tomato sauce!!

Sausage Tortellini Soup

1 lb. italian sausage
1 c. coarsely chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, sliced
5 cups beef broth
1 cup water
2 c. chopped tomatoes
1 c. chopped carrots
1/2 t. basil
1/2 t. oregano
8 oz. tomato sauce
1 1/2 c. chopped zucchini
8 oz. cheese-filled tortellini
3 T. parsley

Brown sausage with onion and garlic. Drain well. Combine in large pot everything EXCEPT: zucchini, tortellini, and parsley. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 30 minutes. Cover and simmer another 30 minutes. Add zucchini and cook only until crisp tender (I did this about 5-10 minutes.) Do not overcook. Add parsley. Finally, add tortellini right before you serve soup - it needs no longer than 3-5 minutes to cook. Serve immediately!

"You're really good at wiping me, Mom"

I really struggled when I first became a mother. There was the whole hormonal, postpartum depression thing. And then of course I was sleep deprived and struggling with the whole nursing relationship and worried that Emma wasn't eating and gaining enough. But on top of all of that, I had decided to stay home and quit my profession, and that hit me like a freight train. I missed my adult coworkers. I didn't know what the heck I was doing as a mom and lacked confidence. I wasn't sure how to juggle the whole parenting/housework duties. And I really missed those measurable forms of knowing my job was being well done. The verbal affirmations, the good evaluations, the paycheck. This was the start of a whole new kind of job in which satisfaction was to be reached via alternate ways... with smiles, hugs, poops.

Almost four years later I have adjusted to a whole new career. Like any job, it has its perks and its drawbacks. There are great days and lousy days. Verbal affirmations are something I hear quite frequently these days from my oldest (and I'm holding on to every minute because I know this won't last!) As I was helping Emma wipe after going potty today, she made the title comment. There are just some affirmations you will never hear from your boss!

Bunco

I played Bunco for the first time tonight. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it's a dice game - a game of chance. I had heard of it several years ago and was under the impression that it was more about socializing than game-playing. It's true... I did a lot of gabbing this evening, but you actually have to be on the ball when the game is on. My friend, Sarah, has gone to a couple of Bunco nights in her neighborhood and decided to start a Bunco group. A couple of months ago she put out an open invitation on her blog and some of us bit. We invited some more people and thus our Bunco gang was formed. There's always need for subs so if any locals are reading and think this sounds fun, let me know!

Not only did I have fun, but I won $20!! My first earnings (if you can call it that) of 2007!!

Rest

You haven't heard from me lately because I've been trying to do more of something I don't do enough of... resting. I came down with something a week ago Monday evening- fever, chills, aches, nausea. I thought it was a stomach virus or a mild case of the flu, but I never did figure out exactly what it was since all of that only lasted for about 24 hours. It turned out to be a miserable cold and it majorly slowed me down. The house was a wreck and my family ate a lot of last-minute thrown-together meals. This past weeked I made resting my number one priority in hopes that by yesterday I would feel wonderful again. I was rather successful at resting, even though I haven't been sleeping well lately. And while I wouldn't describe myself as "wonderful" yesterday, I certainly feel 100% better than I did a week ago!! I really take my health for granted when I'm feeling fine. A big thanks to Pete who did more than his fair share of the parenting and household tasks this weekend when I was lounging.

I recently came across this quote. I think it's a good reminder for all of us.

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. - OVID

Soccer Girl

I took Emma to her first soccer programs this morning. It was a decision we just made last week. I had planned to sign her up for some sort of physical activity this winter when it's a bit more work to get outside (especially with a young toddler in hand.) I had gone back and forth between gymnastics and dance but just didn't feel 100% about either for a few factors. So I researched the soccer programs offered at our local Soccer Zone, only 12 minutes away. They have a co-ed Tiny Tots program for 3 and 4 year-olds that focuses on movement, self-esteem, and having fun. Perfect, I thought. Pete was in agreement.

So today Emma participated in her first 45 minute class, with Coach Dan at the lead. He is a wonderfully, friendly and fun grandpa-type guy (okay, well he is a grandpa too, but you know the jolly, fun type.) He's got a great way of getting the kids involved and excited. They did little exercises like Simon Says and lots of chants like "I am great!" and "Peace! Love! Power to the kids!" Okay, so it probably was cuter in person. Emma was the only splash of pink and purple on the field of 8 but it didn't phase her in the least. They ran around the gym, did some kicking and dribbling with the ball, and even got to score a goal. But all was done a fun, very low pressure environment. I had to laugh some at Emma and her excitement. She really did a very good job.

Emma loved her first day of soccer and is excited to go back next week. When I asked her what her favorite part was, she responded, "all of it."

3 Year-Old Joy

I'm trying to think happy thoughts while the baby cries and refuses to nap...

I just can't get enough of Emma these days. It's interesting as I reflect on the different stages so far of her fairly short life. The infant stage was pretty tough for me. I dealt with postpartum depression, among other adjustment issues for the first 12-15 months. That was compounded by the fact that Emma and I had a difficult time establishing the nursing relationship in the beginning. I remember turning that corner around 5 months, and by 7 months, I was starting to say, "This parenting thing is kind of fun!" Not that I didn't adore her and feel extreme gratitude for her... it just became less exhausting and mysterious, and more fun. At 15 months I began getting wonderful chunks of sleep at night and wow, did that make a difference. Around 18 months, she began to get difficult taking into public. Prior to that, she would soak up restaurant and store experiences, saying "hi" and waving to anyone who would look her way. She would giggle and sit fairly still. From about 18 months to 2 1/2, that completely changed. We decided it was no longer fun to go out to eat because it wasn't worth the stress of entertaining her, trying to keep her in her seat, etc, etc. And 2 1/2 came then with a whole new set of challenges. Days of flat out defiance, tantrums, you know, normal toddler stuff. We just had to wade through the waters of toddlerhood. Fortunately difficult times were interspersed with her sweet personality. But I won't lie, it was a tough year.

I feel we've turned another corner this fall/winter. Emma has demonstrated a new sense of maturity, can verbalize her thoughts and feelings better with each day, and is just downright fun (usually) to be around. I'm sure the fact that I'm in a better place emotionally than I have been at certain points in the last 3 1/2 years is significant as well.

Some of my favorite regular phrases or questions these days:

"Mommy, did you take a shower today?" (asked when I lay down with her for a few minutes before nap and she wants to play with my hair)

"Do you have to go anywhere tonight?" (her response if I said I did take a shower... she knows she has no chance of playing with the top of my hair if this is the case :))

"Mommy, is anyone coming over today? Are we going anywhere?" (every morning)

"Having Daddy home all day" (her response 95% of the time when I ask her at the end of a weekend day what her favorite part of the day was)

"How can I help you?" (what she's learned to say when I'm making lunch or dinner and she's really hungry and ready to eat NOW)

"Mommy, I love you. You're a good mommy." (I need all the reinforcing now because I'm guessing I'll be hearing little, if any of this in about 10 years or so.)

Reinspired

I thought I was ready to be done with this blog. I was going to just delete the whole thing, but Pete thought I should write a "farewell" post. So I decided to just wait a while to see if it turned out to be something I'd like to continue after taking a break.

After a good conversation with fellow blogger, Sarah, last evening, I decided to hold on for just a little longer. Originally, I entitled my blog "Pura Vida" because it's a phrase that stuck with me when I spent three months in Costa Rica during college. I liked the contentment and freedom that seemed to accompany the phrase. It was fun to say and brought a smile to my face. So perhaps I will return to blogging about things that do that for me. Despite the many challenges and gray areas of life, there are many things that make me happy.

We'll see how this goes for now. I still probably won't be real regular, but I have a renewed focus and that makes me happy. :)

p.s. I used to hate the color pink. Then I started to tolerate it when I had a little girl. Now I kind of like the color. This template color doesn't feel quite like me, but I thought I'd try it out for a while for the sake of something new.