I admit... sometimes I get really frustrated and angry as a parent. Do I even need to "admit" this? How do parents not get this way sometimes? But yes, I'm one of those moms that always said I would try really hard not to react impulsively when I was upset with my children. And I'm also one of those moms that in only 3 1/2 years, has not been able to follow through. This doesn't make me a horrible parent. It makes me a human parent. But I'm still not happy with myself when I find myself in this situation. One thing I try to do is to ask my daughter's forgiveness when I know I've reacted unfairly toward her. But I still feel bad. I know better.
Some of you may get the magazine, "The Mennonite." I don't have a current subscription, but my mom told me about an article in the most recent issue. It's written by Valerie Weaver Zercher. She is an excellent writer and a mother of three young boys. I've only met her a couple of times (her wedding being one of those) but I've really enjoyed several articles she has written. And between me and well, whoever else reads this blog, I guess, I used to have a big crush on her husband. Now keep in mind, I was 12 and he was the associate pastor at our church, so no worries.
In this article, "One Mean Mennonite Mama," Weaver Zercher writes about reacting in anger to her child and her response to that. She outlines four suggestions for forgiving ourselves and transforming our anger. If you haven't already, I recommend that anyone who has children in their lives read Valerie's article. I plan to print it out as a reminder for myself.
About Me
- Kris
- I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. But first I'm a woman and I'm committed to taking care of myself so that I can have good relationships with others. This is not always easy. Okay, some days it's just plain impossible but I'm working at it! For almost 3 1/2 years I have been home raising children. Though quite difficult at first, I feel very content with my lifestyle choice. I am grateful that I have this "choice" and that it was mine to make. In college, I spent three months living in Costa Rica, Central America, for a Study Service Term. While there, I became familiar with the term Pura Vida. My interpretation of the phrase is "life is good." Sure, I have complaints and I am full of flaws. Many times things don't go my way. But hey, who has the perfect life (and wouldn't that be boring)?! My life is good!!
7 comments:
Interesting suggestion for an article for us Mennonite women who claim to be nonviolent pacifists, but then yell at our kids! (How do we raise them to understand and appreciate the emotion of anger without making it a negative thing?) Anyway, thanks for sharing this article link... I can't wait to read it.
And by the way, you're a great mom-- all of us "lose it" at one time or another!
The Mennonite doesn't often delve into parenting issues, so it was refreshing to read an article I could directly relate to. If we're honest, I'm sure we all get angrier than we should from time to time. I rarely think about living a pacifist lifestyle (in my daily life), although that's what I consider myself. I know I could be a better example to my kids. I'm glad Valarie had the nerve to write the article and I'm glad The Mennonite published it.
Kris
I've struggled with this issue many times over. I'm not proud to admit it but, I have lost it in front of my kids (yelled) and taken out my emotions on my kids before (spanking in anger). After each incident, I always asked Katie for forgiveness and tried to explain my emotions to her. When I tearfully confessed to Josh, he said, "You are teaching Katie how to forgive and how to ask for forgiveness." I was shocked because I had never thought about the situation in that light before. I realized he was right.
I only hope I can teach my kids how to transform their anger and not to store it up. I want them to release the energy from anger in a positive way and not a destructive way.
Thank you for making me aware of this article. I have printed it out and will reference it from time to time.
Thanks for sharing the article. I deal with anger on a regular basis and I am not proud of it. Hats off to Valerie for writing the article. Just the other day I was angry at my son and yelled at him for his behavior. He was sent to his room for time out. When he came downstairs, he said, "Mom, I prayed to God about being bad and He's going to help me be good". I broke down and cried and prayed with my son to ask God for help on my anger and yelling. After some good hugs and forgiveness, our day went better.
What a sweet story, Double M.
It's good to hear from other moms who have experiences similar to my own. Thanks, everyone, for sharing.
I have seen a lot of parents and other caregivers and I honestly
think you are one of the most patient mothers I have seen. And I'm not being biased.
Thanks, Ton. I appreciate it.
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